Home Visit - Texas Leg

It was hard to believe that another year had passed and we were on the way for a "home visit." I tried to find a definition of home visit as we use it in the expat world. None found....for us a home visit is simply a trip to the United States. We don't actually own a home right now so our home visit is different each year. Thankfully, we have very welcoming family who never complains when we show up on their doorstep with six or seven bags, jet lagged and weary. This year we started our visit in Dallas. The girls were more than thrilled to find an American Girl store just minutes away from their Aunt and Uncle. Daughter #1 had been saving rupees (exchanged for dollars) for a year and took her time perusing the pink coated shelves and racks of the store until she found just the perfect purchase. I thought this would be the highlight of the trip for both girls.

It made me so happy to have both girls say that the highlights of their trip were cooking with Aunt Katie, playing marathon Monopoly games with (and winning over) Uncle David and Daddy, and getting to know their cousin Evangeline.

 The week went quickly....

trips to the zoo,

blueberry picking,
music concerts at the botanical gardens,

game playing,

and

just hanging out with family.

 

INA Market

It is so easy to get in a rut no matter where we live. We end up going to the same spots, shops, and cafes. Every so often I need someone to give me a kick start to get out and see more of Gurgaon and Delhi. This is written with thanks to a friend who recently pushed me out of my comfort zone. I have finally made it to INA Market in South Delhi. From bharat online, "The INA Market of Delhi has its full name as the Indian National Army Market....It is famous as a food bazaar of the capital city of India. From fresh seafood to meat to spices to vegetables and fruits, you can get anything and everything related to groceries here. Shopping In the INA Market is a unique experience, since it is one-of-its-kind." Unique experience?? Definitely unique but even that word doesn't seem to cover the idea of INA.

n D

If there were only a way to incorporate the noises, smells, crowds, and simple hustle and bustle of INA into a blog. See the youtube video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJ0t9aOoBBE&feature=related to get a better glimpse of INA than my pictures are able to share.

How fresh do you want your chicken?? Eggs on top of live chickens in cages in front of chickens being butchered. Note the man in back wearing blue striped shirt who almost has his bare feet in the chicken he is cutting up. Maybe a little toe adds flavor?

We were able to find some of the freshest and nicest looking fruits and veggies at INA. I found broccoli and quite a few other veggies that are hard to find closer to our house. Above my friend is giving the spinach a close inspection. She is fanatic about her fruits and veggies and wants them with "No marks. No marks, at all." Listening to her say this, I kept thinking, "You do realize we live in India, right?"

Cars parked upon cars. It took us fifteen minutes just to get out of our parking space once the shopping was completed. So glad we have a driver that was doing the vehicle maneuvering and not me.

All in all an enjoyable experience.

Bought tons of fresh fruit and veggies that lasted almost two weeks.

Found Dr. Pepper and was thrilled.

Hung out with someone who always makes me laugh.

Experienced more of the amazing-ness of India.

What a difference a year makes.....

Let's see.....this time last year....school was starting, we were living in a hotel crossing our fingers every day that our apartment would soon be finished, and trying to track down our shipment from the US. The little one started at a local preschool and big sister in grade 2 at AES. She was sure she would need me close by so I spent the first two days wandering around the school campus. Don't get me wrong, it is one of the most beautiful school campuses I have ever seen, but there is only so much to do. Especially, when you are a new parent and know, if I remember correctly, one other parent. At pick up time, little one was usually sleeping and I would stand off to the side watching all the other moms and dads catch up. Hearing, "How are you? How was your summer? It's so great to see you." It actually made me a little sad and lonely. Thankfully, we have been through this, and I kept telling myself that this too will pass. Even though my head knew this, it still is never easy being the "new kid."

Fast forward a year and she doesn't even look back when heading for the gate on day #1. The little one was telling me, "It's OK mama. We can do this without you."

We go through the gate and check out the class lists and actually recognize multiple names in each of the girls' classes. I look up to see friends I haven't seen all summer. Sigh of relief. I am no longer the new kid. I now belong. That seems petty and elementary schoolish but was actually how it felt. We knew where we were going and even stopped to help some of those lost looking newbies who still have "V" for visitor badges. (Sidenote: getting rid of the "V" badge and getting the real one with your photo is another huge step.) I even helped give tours of the campus to new parents this summer and somehow got roped into being a room mom before classes even started. Hmm...maybe it is time to not belong quite so much??

Anxiety not needed....at least so far

I had multiple anxieties before moving to India. Dirt, germs, health care, food, finding a church, friends, and so on and so on. One of my biggest anxieties was about hiring, dealing with, and acclimating to staff. I know that having staff in your home seems like such a luxury. Many times it is just that.....a luxury and a help. At the same time, it is one more new thing to deal with in a whole new world. When we lived in China, we had a woman who came in three days a week for four hours. She did laundry, cleaned bathrooms, and floors. It was a huge help, but we rarely ever saw each other. We requested she was totally hands off with the children as we had just adopted our little one. We wanted to ensure that she bonded 100% with us and not with a nanny or ayi as they say in China. Life in India is a totally different ballgame. Multiple people told me before moving that we would need full-time help when settling in India. Also, every apartment we looked at had "staff quarters" attached. It all seemed so strange.

Fast forward a couple months. We are living in a beautiful hotel waiting for our home to be finished. Again, everyone keeps asking, "Have you interviewed or found staff yet?" No, I hadn't. The idea of hiring someone to work in my home and potentially live in that same home was paralyzing me. (Side note: That is how I deal with things that aren't easy or comfortable. I just avoid, avoid, avoid) Finally, I met a couple women but just didn't feel that "fit" with them. At the same time, I was learning how to navigate shopping and day to day in India. I was learning that we would definitely need help. I started visiting with expat families who had been in Delhi for some time. I was able to see them interact with staff and see "how it is done." Then at the perfect time, I met a wonderful woman who has since become a dear friend. She has a nanny/maid who had a friend and so on. I met the friend and liked her instantly. Bla, bla, etc. She started the same day the movers arrived with 40 plus boxes of our stuff from the US. Seven months later she is still with us. Her name is Tshering. The girls and I adore her. Dan likes her but rarely ever sees her. She is a self-starter and doesn't need the constant overseeing that I had feared. The biggest plus is that we are finding out she is an incredible cook. Wish you could see the huge smile on my face as I typed that :) as I really don't enjoy cooking.

Tshering did not live in the staff quarters for the first few months but has since moved in. I have had to teach the girls some boundaries. They love to "walk her home" every evening. This is hilarious since her room is literally five steps outside our kitchen door. Often they want to stay and hang out at Tshering's house. They are learning that once she leaves they cannot go out and knock on her door anytime. She is too sweet and would let them in anytime. So, it's up to me to make sure that she gets her time off away from them.

So far, my all my anxieties have been unnecessary. Below are some photos of how much the girls really love Tshering.

Rachel doing Tshering's hair.

When Rachel saw this photo she said, "Hey she could be my sister." It's true. They are the perfect pair.

Cooking momos (or dumplings, jiaozi, dim sum depending on where you live). She is so patient with the girls at all times. Maybe I won't end up learning how to cook Indian food, but Rachel will.

Fun times in the park with Tshering.

Being Thankful for It All

I have so many things in my life to be thankful for.... a wonderful husband, beautiful, healthy children, amazing immediate and extended family, good friends all over the world, and the adventure that Dan's job has allowed us to live for the past 16 years. There are days that I get caught in the moment and tend to forget so many of these positives. Life in India is a roller coaster to say the least. I have developed a love/hate relationship with the country. Most days it is more love but every so often those "grrrrr get me home days" creep in.

So, along comes the holiday season. Halloween was all about the kids. I was nervous about having seven families with a total of seventeen children at our place, but it went off with a bang. Friends included us in their Diwali celebration showing us the traditions and joy of this important Indian holiday. Then along comes Thanksgiving. A truly American holiday that I have always loved. Growing up, Thanksgiving was full of aunts and uncles, cousins, and friends. We would eat at lunchtime, then play games, watch football, and pull out the leftovers at dinnertime. Great memories. When we lived in China, most of our friends were American. This meant that Thanksgiving was similar to the way we would celebrate it in the US. Close friends with good food, getting together, being thankful for everything God has given us and creating more precious memories. Our first Thanksgiving in India comes along without any plans. Sadness sets in while thinking of the four of us eating fried rice at home just like any other mealtime. An American friend, who was feeling the same way as I, came along and and bam....let the celebration begin.

We used the clubhouse at our complex which opens onto the playground. We rented a bounce house for the kiddos. No Indian celebration seems complete without a bounce house.

I ordered a turkey with the fixings from the club at the American Embassy and everyone brought their favorite dish. Yummy!! We even had apple pie and a gingerbread house. There were families from all over the world....America, Canada, India, Denmark, UK, Germany, Australia, Sweden and probably one or two more that I forgot.

I think Rachel and her friends put a little of each type of dessert on their plates.

The kids had their own area to sit and eat.

And...the men found a corner to sit in and discuss "man stuff."

I am so thankful for where we live, our friends and neighbors. Every time I am on the hate side of my relationship with India, one of my friends comes along with a smile, an offer to join them for dinner, some much needed advice, and/or a shoulder to lean on. I couldn't ask for anything more.

elephant washing

One of my favorite parts of being in Corbett was our late morning and afternoon by the Kosi River. While eating breakfast after the early morning safari, one of the rangers walked up with a huge grin on his face. "M'am, girls, would you be interested in accompanying me to the river. We will be washing the elephants at eleven a.m. Maybe you could help us." Really, we can help? Of course, I said yes immediately. I was THRILLED. I think even more excited than the girls. We followed our guide to the beautiful riverside. (Unfortunately, this was the only day that Dan had to work while we were on holiday. We left him carrying his laptop around looking for a wireless connection.)

As we near the river, there they are, being led by their handlers through the water. It was an amazing sight to see. So big, so strong, but also so calm, and so peaceful.

They brought them right up to the shore where we could get up close and personal with the elephants. Two female elephants right in front of us. The handler said that the males can be aggressive at times so they only use females for work with people. Rebekah was very excited about touching the elephant. Rachel stood back and had no desire to get very close. They use flat rocks from the riverbed to scrub the mud and dead skin off the elephant. These huge ladies thoroughly seemed to enjoy the bath/massage treatment.

The handlers would have allowed us to get in and help wash the elephants. I tried and tried to talk the girls into it but had no takers. Below she is helping to rinse herself....just beautiful

The girls decided that it was more fun and interesting to play in the river. They used sand, rocks, and sticks to build. We ended up spending almost three hours watching the elephants, building in the sand, and just hanging by the Kosi.

After they finished washing the elephants, the men wrapped themselves in towels, stripped down, bathed themselves, and also washed their clothes in the river. That's one way to get all your chores done at the same time.

Tiger Camp

We arrived at Tiger Camp safe and sound thanks to our wonderful driver Nemlal. I know you are probably tired of hearing me gush about him, but we are just so thankful to have found him. The girls love him, he is kind and gentle, and most importantly a safe, cautious driver. He is quickly starting to feel like one of the family. So, enough about Nemlal, back to the trip.....after a seven hour drive through small villages and cities, fields and farms, over bumps, and around ox, horse, and donkey carts we finally see the sign. Woo-hoo!! It's Tiger Camp!!

The wonderful, courteous staff led us to our own little cottage nestled among the trees. I was sold as soon as we turned the corner and were greeted by this relaxing front porch. Thankfully, the inside was just as nice and comfortable. The girls enjoyed sitting on the porch with their Barbies and a snack most afternoons.

After unpacking and being refreshed, our guide took us on a tour of the property. Again, I can't say enough nice things about him. He was with us throughout the stay at Tiger Camp and had amazing patience with the girls.

Following the path down to the Kosi River.

Such a beautiful sunset over the mountains and river. This is one of my favorite photos of Rachel from the trip. She was relaxed and watching some ponies being led to the river for an evening drink. We were able to capture her serenity at just watching the nature around us. This place is a bird watcher's paradise. Our guide is very knowledgeable on all the flying wildlife around Corbett. As beautiful and serene the river front is, we were specifically told not to go to the riverside after dark. We found out why when on our elephant safari later in the trip.

Along the path to the river, there was tons of elephant poop. Rebekah was jut obsessed with the size of it. She kept asking, "Is it real or pretend." Here she is comparing the size of one elephant patty to her foot. You should have seen how excited she was when we actually saw an elephant pooping. Oh....the little things that entertain the mind of three year old ;)

on the dotted line

Standing in the entry way. The hall to bedrooms is on far right and kitchen is on far left. Neither of these can be seen in this photo. Here the dining area is opening to left and living area is opening to right. Rachel's room....full of bricks. The girls don't seem to mind at all though.

The master bedroom. Where to begin???

For some reason the management won't allow the workmen to work from 2-4 every day. Also, they are not allowed to work on Saturdays or Sundays. Once we are moved in, I am sure this will sound like a good rule. At this very moment, though, I wish they could work 24 hours a day and just get it done. I may just start camping out there every couple days to make sure the workers are motivated.

So, as you can see, we did it...found a flat and signed on the dotted line. That was actually about a week ago but the keys are in my hands now. http://thepinnaclegurgaon.in/ will be our home for the next three years. We are hoping to actually move in by the end of July. Two roadblocks stand in our way. 1) The apartment isn't finished and 2) our shipment of household items is still somewhere on a boat making its way from the US. The girls and I visited the flat today and found, well.....it's hard to describe what we found. You look at the photos yourself and tell me if you think we will be in by the end of July or not.

Back on the hunt

One of the most often asked questions before our move was, "Where will you be living? What kind of place will it be?" I had to tell people that I wasn't really sure. I knew it would be some type of apartment, but that was as much as I knew.


When we left the US, we hadn't even decided between living in Delhi or Gurgaon. Dan's office is in Gurgaon and Rachel's school is in South Delhi. We have now decided on Gurgaon. (See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gurgaon for a little more about Gurgaon) Once we decided on our location, we started on the house/apartment/flat hunt. The word "flat" is used most often here due to the British background. (Will post at a later date on all the British terms we have learned for some of our common terms.) In Gurgaon you can find high rise apartment buildings, three or four story buildings with one flat per floor, individual bungalows, and farmhouses on the outside of town. Most of the flats and bungalows have three to four bedrooms with a bathroom in each. Our real estate broker says this is because commonly there are more than one generation living in Indian homes. The separate bedrooms with attached baths give each generation their own space with privacy. The homes also have a drawing room (what I would call a den or living room), a dining room, and small kitchen.


We ruled out the farmhouses right away. Most of the people we know who have lived in a farmhouse decide to move closer to town and into a flat within the first year. The grounds and gardens are beautiful with peacocks, monkeys, snakes, and other tropical animals wandering right outside your window. The idea of living in such a location sounds wonderfully exotic and even romantic. The realities are that you need to have a staff of four or more people to help take care of the home. Managing a staff that large in itself is enough of a reason for me not to choose a farmhouse as a home. Also, I will admit that monkeys and snakes outside my window are not quite my cup of tea.

We have decided on a flat in a high rise building. The communities are about half expats. I know, I know, what is the appeal of moving to India if you are going to live around people just like you? The appeal is that they are people just like me. There are times when I want to have a neighbor with whom I share some cultural similarities. At the same time they aren't just like me. The expats here are from all over the world. So far, I have found quite an interesting group of people and can't wait to meet more....including Indian, British, Chinese, German, Brazilian, Canadian, and others.

So....we decide on a high rise. The first week we look at 20 flats. We find a place we love in the complex that had the most pros on our list. The company reviews the lease, makes a few amendments, and sends it back to the landlord. In the meantime, someone else comes along and the landlord decides to give the flat to them. Ugh!!!! I had started mentally placing my furniture in the different rooms and making lists of what items we will need to purchase.

Back to the drawing board and the house hunt. Remember, all this house hunting is being done in 100+ degree weather with a three and almost seven year old in tow. It takes four people, and sometimes more, to show the apartment. A driver to get us around, the relocation agent, the real estate broker and often his assistant, the landlord, and sometimes a random other gets involved too. Also, the broker and landlords often don't want to talk to me and just want to know what "sir" thinks or if I should wait until "sir" can come see it to make a decision. There were times when the broker would ask Dan a question about what we wanted in our home. Dan would look right at me for the answer. I would look the broker in the eye and answer him. He then turns to Dan and asks the question all over again. Hello, can't you hear my voice? I can talk louder if you need me to. Getting used to this very patriarchal society is an adjustment for me....if you couldn't tell already.

Today we (the girls, the driver, the relocation person, the broker, and I) went back out looking again. Thankfully, we found a flat in the complex we like. It is being renovated and will be available mid to late July. The landlord was there. He spoke perfect English and seemed very comfortable dealing with me. He didn't even flinch when I told him that Dan had left it up to me to make the decision and didn't need to see the place. Good sign right there that we will get along with the landlord. Later this week, we (the whole group mentioned above) will do a more thorough walk through of the flat. Once this is done, we can sign the lease. I am trying to think positive and am hopeful that this one will be the one. We are all very ready to be out of the hotel and in our own space.

are we crazy?

About four years ago Dan mentioned a position with his company based in New Delhi, India. We joked around about it some. In my head I was thinking, "No way I am moving to India." Thankfully, they chose another person to fill the position. When the offer to go to China came up my first thought was, "At least it's not India." Fast forward to January 2010......Dan comes home and informs me the position in India is opening up again. India? Really? This time it wasn't such a shock as before. I have our wonderful experience and life in China to thank for that. If China was so great maybe India could be similar. As always, my brain kicks into overdrive....Internet, library, bookstores, and travel channel here I come. After much research and email exchange with people already living in New Delhi, we decided to make the look-see trip the second week of March.

We flew from Minneapolis via Newark into Indira Gandhi International Airport. The following morning we hit the ground running to see what we could see of Delhi. These are just a few of the photos I took while in New Delhi. Rachel asked me to take photos of everything so she could help us make a decision about the move. Already the world traveler at six, the look-see trip is old hand for her.

In just under a week, we visited three schools, saw 20 apartments/flats, did some shopping and sightseeing, and just experienced Delhi. Dan worked two days. One of those days I tagged along with a friend to a gathering of a woman's organization. This was such a fabulous opportunity. There were women from all over the US who have lived in India from a couple months to almost ten years. Some are working, and some are stay at home moms of children from teeny tiny to High School age. I tried to glean as much information from them as possible. My head was spinning with information and opinions after this meeting.

Delhi appears to have much to offer the expat family who is willing to get out experience it. From Old Delhi to New Delhi there are architectural masterpieces, historical sites and museums, amazing food, and also modern amenities. Most of the expats I met thoroughly enjoy life in India. This is not to say that it is perfect. It is in no way the easy life we have in the US and can be extremely challenging at times. Traffic is horrible. Good household help is not always easy to find. The cultural differences are at times enormous and difficult to understand and maneuver. "Delhi Belly" is a common occurrence no matter how careful you are. (I actually ended our visit with a case of it....not fun) Life in any foreign country has to be looked at as an adventure and the good and bad all rolled up into one package.

Dan and I returned home with much to process and some major decisions to make in the following week. One day, I feel very excited about the prospect of life in India. The next day, I am wondering if I am off my rocker to be thinking about moving half way around the world again with two young children.